How To Become Emotionally Numb: Uchenna wouldn’t want me to write this. I had told him, “I am going to write about this conversation in my next blog post.
“Cool down. I will change your name jare.” Uchenna had promised not to tell me any other thing from that day henceforth. I just laughed.
Well, the conversation was about Uchenna’s cousin and his girlfriend. I’m pretty sure sapioverts are familiar with this story. Boy and girl are totally in love, girl meets a new boy that drives a car (till date, I don’t know what it is with Nigerian girls with a guy that drives), girl leaves her boyfriend to follow new car-guy, but car-guy eventually dumps her to marry another girl. No, car-guy didn’t dump her. That would have been more respectful. He tells her he wants to visit his grandma in the village. And, the girl wakes up to wedding pictures of car-guy and bride on Facebook. The girl returns to Uchenna’s cousin begging forgiveness. Uchenna thinks that his cousin shouldn’t take her back. Only a fool will take her back. It’s only a matter of time before a new guy with a bigger car comes along.
Uchenna’s cousin was completely crippled after the girl’s unfair treatment. He had grovelled, beg, cried, and eventually got depressed.
He didn’t take her back. He had moved on.
I’m somewhat sure this experience will guide Uchenna’s cousin. I’m sure he wouldn’t give his whole self in the name of love. He will be more guarded, less trusting. The incident might turn him into a playboy. He wouldn’t really be the same again.
Heartbreak, disappointment, betrayal, etc goes a long way in shaping us into what we are. Betrayal by your best friend might turn you into a loner. You find yourself keeping everyone at arm’s length. I know a girl that has no friends, there’s usually no female friend in her pictures, just her, alone. I often wonder what must have made her this way.
(EMOTIONLESS IN A WORLD THAT DEMANDS IT! | How To Become Emotionally Numb)
In today’s world, I think there are a lot of advocacy for persons to be emotionless, unfeeling, and distant. In the world of memes, Twitter, and Instagram, everyone is a life coach. “Don’t check up on that friend who hasn’t bothered to check up on you, drop those friends who weren’t there for you when you had nothing, look out for yourself first before any other person, cut off all negative vibes and energy, no send person wey no send you, personal peace before another thing.”
I had told Uchenna, we live in a world where everyone is willing to give out only 30% of themselves, we live in a world where no one wants to be caught playing the fool(funnily enough, I’m guilty of this, and I’m still trying to work on it). What happens when you notice that you’re the one always pushing for a hangout with a particular friend, what happens when you notice you are the one always calling your boyfriend, he never calls out of his initiative unless to return a missed call. Whether we like it or not, we find ourselves consciously withdrawing; it would feel good to be the one being chased or sought after for a change.
There is this need for us to be savage. To return an insult with a more savagery insult, to return a negative vibe with a more negative vibe. There is this scramble to be unfeeling, unaffectionate and emotionless. We want to feel like we don’t need anybody to survive, but instead, other persons need us to survive. We want to be our own boss, master of our own fate, captain of our own ship.
I had told Uchenna, we live in a world where everyone is willing to give out only 30% of themselves, we live in a world where no one wants to be caught playing the fool
The same thing happens in a relationship. We find ourselves to be guarded, a bit distant, fearful of committing fully. We need to ascertain that the other person is entirely into us before we give out our heart and soul. Funnily enough, I have been in a similar situation. Let’s call him Arinze. I had been in a relationship with Arinze, I had waited for Arinze to give himself to me completely, waited for a declaration of love from Arinze. That declaration will push me over the edge; that declaration will make me fall in love completely. But in the meantime, I was nonchalant and aloof. Well, for one thing, that declaration of love never came. I think Arinze was waiting for a similar announcement from me, either in word or action. Of course, the relationship didn’t last. None of us deemed the other worthy of the risk of putting ourselves out there. So, we stayed in our cold, emotionless carapace.
It seems like we are being ruled by fear. Fear to be taken advantage of, fear to be heartbroken, fear to be used and dumped, fear to be seen as too needy, fear to be seen groveling for one’s affection, fear to be the initiator of a relationship, fear to be naive and stupid.
Almost everyone wants to be seen as strong. We are not ready to admit our weakness. We have an excessive need to treat people the same way they treat us or even better, treat them worse!
And that creates a world devoid of love and emotion.
How To Become Emotionally Numb